Cliques, they are still around!

The jocks. The nerds. The popular girls. Everyone who has ever attended school knows about cliques—social groups that are so often a source of angst and conflict in the lives of children and adolescents.

Dr. Michael Thompson, a psychologist, former seventh-grade teacher and author of the book Best Friends, Worst Enemies, argues that parents don't understand the importance of friendships in childhood and the deep emotional impact these relationships have on their children's lives.

By nature, people are social beings who need to be part of a group. In a group setting, children learn values such as loyalty, leadership and what it means to be a good friend. And, there is power in numbers—groups are more influential than an individual alone.

About 80 percent of children are part of a social group at school. Most groups begin forming around fourth grade, but some can develop as early as kindergarten. By eighth grade, most children have established strict boundaries of the group.

While becoming a part of a clique is appealing, it can also have its dangers. Sometimes members of a group are not really friends; rather, they rely on each other for an identity. There is often a ringleader who defines the boundaries and has the power to influence others to do good or bad.

According to Dr. Thompson, a child may be a "good person" as an individual, but group dynamics lead to what is known in psychology as a "risky shift." This change happens when children get together in a group and devise a mischievous plan that they wouldn't be able to come up with on their own as individuals. Even though a child may feel bad insulting or hurting other children, he or she might be influenced by the power dynamics of the group.

Dr. Thompson encourages parents to be involved, to listen to their children and to have compassion for their social issues. And parents should recognize that their own past social experiences can impact their children's social success.

• Don't assume your children are having the same problems that you had as a child.
• Realize that your own fears for your children are not necessarily their fears.
• Don't "interview" for pain by asking questions like, "Who was mean to you today?" Instead, ask, "Who did you talk to today?"
• Check with other parents who see your child in action to get a sense of how he or she behaves outside of the home.
• If your child is popular, educate him or her on how to be a good leader.

However appealing it might seem, you can't pick your child's friends, because friendships are based on chemistry. Instead of forbidding friendships with classmates who experiment with drugs and alcohol, for example, a parent should tell his or her child, "I hold you accountable for your behavior."

If you are upset about something your child did, don't attack his or her friends—monitor your own child's behavior. Children resent it when their parents think of them as "angels" and their friends as "devils."

Get to know the parents of your child's friends, so that you can talk to each other and supervise better. Adolescents need monitoring for reasons like the "risky shift." Remember, even good kids need monitoring.

Invite your child's friends over to your house so you can get to know them. And, remember, the more they're under your supervision, the better behaved they'll be!

Asking your children's teachers is crucial to understanding your child's social behavior. "I'm distressed that parents ask so rarely about their child's social life," Dr. Thompson says. If you find that your child is in trouble socially, you can make an alliance with the teacher and guidance counselor to work on helping your child.

Some key questions to ask your child's teachers include:

• Do you know something about where my child stands in the social hierarchy?
• Is my child getting along with other children?
• Does my child have a friend?
• Is my child a good leader?
• Is my child accepting of other children?

Most social problems children experience, such as feeling left out or switching social groups, are very normal. In fact, these situations can help the child understand treachery, loyalty and friendship. Your child does not need you to step in and try to make things better—your involvement could make things worse.

However, a child who is ostracized or rejected—neglected in every category—may need adult intervention and support. You should talk to your child's teacher and guidance counselor, and you may need to get your child into a social skills group or activities that promote healthy social relationships. 

Source: www.oprah.com

Interested in our AP program?

Advanced Placement

Advanced Placement (AP) offers many college-level courses in subject such as English, history, humanities, languages, math, psychology and science.

AP courses are a good deal because:

• Students may earn both high school and college credit. This can save you time and money when you actually get to college.
• The course work is college-level. You may do better in college classes later because you'll know what to expect.
• You take college-level courses in your high school. This gives you a taste of college within the safety of your high school walls.  

Who is eligible to participate?

You must be a high school junior and senior, and Discovery requires a certain academic standing before you are allowed to participate. We want you to understand the level of responsibility needed to be part of the AP classes offered. Do you want to join the AP classes in school? Check with Mrs. Palacios, and counselor.

Who teaches the course?

The class is taught by a trained high school teacher.

How do I earn college credit?

You must take a fee-based exam which is graded on a five-point scale. Many colleges award credit for scores of 3 or higher, but some require scores of at least 4.

Do all colleges and universities accept these credits?

Acceptance and transfer of credits varies by college, but many do accept credits earned through the program. Others colleges may choose to award advanced placement instead. This allows you to take upper-level courses without taking the introductory, prerequisite courses. Some will allow you to earn both credit and placement. If you're interested in a specific college, be sure to ask admissions about their policy.

For More Information

For more information on how AP courses work at your high school, contact your school counselor or visit College Board for detailed information.

Alcohol and Teens

Think underage drinking doesn’t affect a teen’s brain? Think again.

Alcohol and Judgment

IT’S A FACT. New research shows alcohol affects a teenager’s developing brain differently than an adult’s. Memory, learning and impulse control can be impaired seriously. The risk of addiction goes up dramatically.

NEW RESEARCH SHOWS that alcohol affects a developing teen brain differently from an adult brain. “The brain goes through dynamic changes during adolescence, and alcohol can seriously damage long and short-term growth processes” (American Medical Association, 2003). Alcohol use may impair memory, learning, decision-making and impulse control; and it greatly increases the risk of addiction. In addition, alcohol use can cause young people to develop social problems, have poor judgment, get into trouble, do poorly in school and experience failure in achieving lifelong goals.

To compound this problem, research shows that parents generally underestimate the extent of teen drinking and its negative consequences. Thirty-one percent of youths who said they had been drunk in the past year were said by their parents to be non-drinkers. Others may view underage drinking as inevitable, but it isn’t. To be alcohol-free, a teen needs the active involvement and help of a parent. All children need help from their parents to guide them through their teenage years. Staying bonded to parents is critical to the process of teenagers emerging from adolescence healthy, safe and alcohol-free.

Talk to your kids about the dangers of alcohol and set clear about no alcohol use. Visit www.drugfree.org/parent for more information and the proven skills to prevent underage drinking.