Teen Curfews

Here is some interesting advice to take into account when your teenage son or daughter asks you to allow him/her to go out with his/her friends.

Giving your child the freedom and independence to make his or her own choices does not mean you have to stop being a concerned or involved parent. In fact, quite the opposite. It means being even more involved in your child’s life, only in a different way. A way that let’s your child know you are still there, that he still has to answer to you, but he is free to experience life.

It's a tough balance and many parents find it hard to know where to draw the line. Most experts agree that parents should discuss rules, especially curfews, with their child, so the child understands why the rule is the way it is, and can have a chance to give input. If your child helps to create the rules, he'll be less likely to break them and defy your authority.

Curfews are important because they set up reasonable boundaries to protect your family culture,” says Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D., author ofThe Sacred Flight of the Teenager:  A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go. Kuczmarski says, “Teens hate fixed, out-of-date, and inhuman rules with a passion.  They want to be involved in the process of establishing them.” So, sit down with your teens and work together on a list of specific rules for your household. Give them the opportunity to come up with ideas, add to the list, and comment on anything related to each of the rules.

Kuczmarski offers these simple rules for putting curfews in place:

1. Involve your teens in setting their nighttime boundaries. Reach an agreement together as to a curfew time that is age-appropriate for each teen. Compromise if necessary. You don't always have to be the "winner."

2. Communicate clearly what the agreed upon times are, through written and verbal reinforcements. This means, post it on the refrigerator and reinforce with a verbal reminder, such as: "Look forward to seeing you around eleven tonight." And be careful how hard and fast you make that curfew. Allow for a small buffer, perhaps fifteen minutes, so that your child does not drive faster in order to be home by curfew and avoid punishment.

3. Execute the consequences of broken rules. When she is late, give her the freedom and opportunity to comment and explain. Maybe there were unplanned events, like a flat tire, or a surprise party.Try to find a solution to the problem together. If a teen still breaks the curfew rule, let the agreed-upon consequences fall into place. Since you and your teen have already discussed these consequences and set them up together (e.g. take away car keys, remove home privileges, like TV use, etc.) you are not forced into the position of playing the "bad guy" or creating a punishment on the spot.

4. If your teen has missed curfew because drinking or drugs were involved, then the consequences are more serious. Simply enact these more serious consequences that you and your teen set up together.

Sometimes it really is okay to say yes, according to Debi Yohn, Counseling Psychologist and author of Parenting College Students: 27 Winning Strategies for Success. But, "it never hurts to check on your teen from time to time,” she adds. “If your teen says she is going to be at the coffee shop at 5 p.m. with their friends, drop by and see for yourself,” says Yohn, “You do not have to even let your teen know. If she sees you, just wave and keep on walking.” Yohn explains that kids need to know that there will be some unscheduled checking by you. If they are spending the night at a friend’s house, call and ask to speak to your child at an unusual time. “Parenting is active, and that means you have to make that effort to check on your teen,” she says. This takes courage, but it is the price of making sure your child is safe.

Does that mean you should follow your teen around or attach a tracking device to his clothing? Of course not. But as a parent, you should listen to your intuition. If something sounds sketchy, then it’s at least worth taking a closer look. But if you are open and honest with your teen about the rules of the house, there will probably be a lot less sneaking around. And that means a more harmonious household. Even if your teen would rather jump in an icy lake than be seen with you at Starbucks.

source: http://www.education.com/magazine/article/Teen_Curfews_How_Set_Limits_but/

How can I improve the critical thinking skills of my child?

Teachers use a number of techniques to help students learn critical thinking, starting as early as kindergarten and ramping up especially in 2nd grade and beyond. Below are a few of the methods educators employ; you can try them at home to help your child become a critical thinker.

•                Critical thinking: Ask open-ended questions. Asking questions that don't have one right answer encourages children to respond creatively without being afraid of giving the wrong answer.

•                Critical thinking: Categorize and classify. Classification plays an important role in critical thinking because it requires identification and sorting according to a rule, or set of rules, that kids must discover, understand, and apply. If you play classification games at home, be sure to follow up the activity with questions about the similarities and differences between the groups. You can sort everything from dirty laundry to Legos to produce to doll clothes to promote critical thinking.

•                Critical thinking: Work in groups. In a group setting, students are exposed to the thought processes of their peers. Thus, they can begin to understand how others think and that there are multiple ways of approaching problems — not just one correct way.

•                Critical thinking: Make decisions. Help your child consider pros and cons, but don't be afraid to let her make a wrong choice. Then evaluate the decision later. Ask your child, "How do you feel about your decision? What would you do differently next time?"

•                Critical thinking: Find patterns. Whatever you're doing, whether it's going to the park or watching television, encourage your child to look for patterns or make connections for critcal thinking practice. For example, relate a favorite television show to a real-life situation. Or, while driving in the car, have your child identify different shapes in roads signs and in the windows and roofs of passing houses. 

It might be tempting to pass off the critical thinking buzz as just another fad in education. However, most teachers disagree. It's still important for your child to know his multiplication tables, but it's just as vital for him to know how and when to use them.

Source: www.scholastic.com/resources/article/think-about-it-critical-thinking/

Parenting in a Media-Saturated World

Should toddlers watch TV? Is educational programming beneficial for preschoolers? What happens when school-age children play violent video games? How are teenagers using the Internet? In today’s world, these are the questions that challenge parents on a daily (and sometimes hourly!) basis.

In the United States, 99 percent of all households with children have televisions, and half the children have a television in their bedrooms. Among households with eight to eighteen year olds, 85 percent have personal computers and 83 percent have video game consoles. Children ages two to seven watch on average 2.56 hours of television per day and children eight to eighteen watch on average 5.40 hours per day. Technological convergence, a hallmark of media use today, enables youth to access the same source from different, often portable, media platforms. As a result, America's young people spend more time using media than they do engaging in any single activity other than sleeping.

Clearly, the lives of American children are saturated with media. And electronic media is NOT going away. So how does this overwhelming presence of media impact children’s well being? More importantly, what can parents do to exert some control over this media presence in their children’s lives?

In a recent issue of The Future of Children series, Children and Electronic Media, media experts discuss the most current information available concerning children’s media use and its potential impact on children’s development. These analyses highlight several important issues parents may want to consider concerning the current state of media saturation, how this may affect children, and what parents can do about it.

In the first place, the current emphasis on creating “educational” television for infants and toddlers is questionable. Research suggests that, at this young age, children learn much more effectively from real-life examples than they do from video demonstrations. While evidence indicates that educational programming can have a positive impact associated with both short- and long-term benefits for children ages three and older, this does not necessarily hold true for very young children.  

Once children reach school age and start using various forms of media for longer periods of time and making some independent decisions concerning content, parental awareness and involvement remains imperative. Children’s exposure to violent content on television or in computer and video games, for instance, has been associated with both fearful and aggressive behavior. In addition, children of early school age appear to be especially susceptible to the marketing and advertising that occurs on many of the popular television shows and websites; this is especially true as commercials become more subtle, embedded in the content of the show or game.  

By adolescence, technological convergence and the increasing portability of media platforms enable teens to have almost constant access to media—often at times and in places where adult supervision is absent. The ease with which children are able to communicate via the Internet and handheld devices appears to be a mixed blessing. Though research indicates that the majority of adolescents use the Internet to interact with people they know as opposed to strangers, even peer interaction can involve risk.   The same negative behaviors that some youth engage in off line - bullying and social exclusion, for example – can now take place on a much larger stage with many more observers. Moreover, these interactions often take place where no adults are monitoring the situation – on social networking sites and by viral e-mail.   All youth media use is NOT negative, however. Clever non-profits and government are using media to positively influence adolescent health and well-being with exciting, interactive, “Web 2.0” media campaigns – many of which are highlighted in a Future of Children policy brief – that invite youth to create the content and own the message. 

What, then, are the take away-messages for parents? It might be as simple as the advice given for every other aspect of positive parenting: Be aware and be involved. Awareness requires understanding the various forms of media and types of content available to children at different ages, and whether or not children’s exposure to such media and content is beneficial or harmful to particular children at particular points in their development. Involvement requires monitoring the type of media being used by children, the amount of time being devoted to media use by children, and the specific ways in which children are using these various forms of media in the course of their daily lives. Especially as children become more adept at using the newer forms of technology available, parents will need to remain vigilant in order to supervise children’s immersion in this media-saturated world.

The amount of parental involvement and monitoring depends on the ages of their children. The best approach is to start early so that by adolescence teens can make good choices independently. For internet use, practical guidelines are set out in “Social Networking Safety: A Guide for Parents,” a publication drafted for The Future of Children by parent and media expert Nancy Willard.

Parents can also work with governmental and nongovernmental organizations to put pressure on the media industry to develop better content, create meaningful ratings systems, cut back on inappropriate advertising, and invent better products to help screen content.  Because government will probably not intervene in the realm of media content, the most effective pressure on industry to produce positive media content will come from the court of public opinion made up of child advocates and parents. 

Electronic media is here to stay. And it is not limited to children and youth. Adults “google” on a daily basis, use email and cell phones for work and connecting with friends, participate in social networking sites, get news and information from the web – just to name a few uses. As with everything else – from table manners to study skills to making friends – parents need to teach their children how to use electronic media in a way that increases their social wellbeing and promotes positive behavior. 

Article drawn from Future of Children publications: 

“Parenting in a Media Saturated World,” by Ann Cami, a part of The Future of Children “Highlights” Series.

The Future of Children: Children and Electronic Media, edited by Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Elisabeth Donahue, Volume 18, Number 1, Spring 2008.