Many children don't realize that they choose their own attitudes and
behaviors. They firmly believe someone or something else is responsible
for their actions, and their language reveals that belief. Children
often use language to blame an adult, a peer, a sibling, or some other
external source for their own attitude or behavior. “That
teacher bored me to death during sixth period,” they complain, disowning any responsibility for the creation of their own boredom. “My dad
made me do it over,” they whine, giving up responsibility for the part
they played in creating an inferior product in the first place. “She got me going,” they respond, in an effort to blame a sister for their own outburst of giggling at the dinner table.
Does your middle schooler blame others for her actions?
Perhaps she says, “The teacher gave me a D” when she should say, “I
didn't check my answers and got a D.” Try boosting your child's sense
of responsibility by adding these three words to their daily vocabulary:
chose,
decide, and
pick. You can use these words in many ways:
- “How come you picked your grumpy mood?”
- “What response did you choose when the problems got tougher?”
- “How did you decide to act when your coach pulled you out of the game?”
Choose, decide, and pick are words you can purposefully fit into
your parent talk to put responsibility back on your child's shoulders.
“If you choose to leave your video games here, you'll be choosing to
have them put on the shelf for a week” communicates to your son that you
aren't responsible for whether or not he plays his video games next
week. He is. “If you choose to have your chores completed by two
o'clock, I'll take you to the mall” helps your daughter see that she is
in control of going or not going to the mall.
Repetitive use of
the words choose, decide, and pick helps children appreciate two sides
of the coin: both the power they have over their own lives and the
responsibility that comes with it.
Source: http://www.education.com/
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